So You Missed out on a Kings of Leon Ticket New Zealand?
Even by the standards of Southern Hospitality the Tennessee sons Kings of Leon have been very good to our little country. They've been down here more times than Shania Twain's been down to hang at her whare in Wanaka. In fact, they should just have the place, before it's ruined by disgruntled Wanakans (Wanaka-ites?, Wanakers? Ha.)
At their Melbourne show on Saturday, Caleb Followill hailed Australia as the Kings' "favourite place to be". Don't take it personally, he says that to all the ladies, and god knows those Australians need all the affirmation they can get.
Anyways, perhaps you've been an avid fan from their hash-fuelled NZ debut at 2005's Big Day Out, or maybe you've just jumped on the Nashville Bandwagon, it goes without saying that the long arm of the Southern Charm will hit Vector Arena on the 25th at the height of their stadium-rock superpowers. If you're anything like me, your procrastination will have rendered you ticketless to the sell out show, left to blindly fumble through excuses about how you've got ‘avenues' and how something will fall into place and praise the lord for scalpers etc.
Well, for all you poor souls living on the razor's edge of those possibilities, here's a simple guide to getting a KOL ticket. I'll see your ass on TradeMe sucker.
- Trade Me.
Sure, you're gonna get rolled, but consider this Karma's great ‘told-you-so'. The trick with scalpers is to reel them in like the scaly trout-muppets they are. Wait until a day or so before the actual show. That's when they start to get desperate to turn a buck. Watch the prices fall, snap yourself up a ticket - the only real sacrifice you'll have to make is the trip to the scalper's lair in Penrose to pick up the tickets by hand.
Every now and then you'll find an anomaly too, like some dear old souls who really wanted to go but got double booked by a 90th that they couldn't miss. These guys are gold. They're just trying to get rid of a ticket.
Be wary of any auctions where the ticket is less than the original price - this will most definitely be a contractor from Wellsford who bought a spare ticket for the local 16-year old barrister who turned him down. This cheap ticket will be a part of a twisted blind date which, while cheap, could end in your eventual murder.
- Start a fight.
It's pretty well known that the Followill boys are well known for their brotherly brawls. Lets face it, any band where three of the members are brothers and the other one is a cousin/lead guitarist is bound to be subject to some interesting interpersonal chemistry. The boys have been known to bust up awards ceremonies over girls and break open bars over discrepancies about who's round it was. Hell, you're millionaires, buy the bar. That'll settle it.
Camp outside Vector early, and when you see the big white van roll in, bawl something about marrying their cousins, call them Queens of Leon, or say something about their Momma's chambers blowing your mind. A few steel-toed-boot marks to you jaw later, they'll be throwing their arms around you and taking you in as one of their own.
- Sleep With A King of Leon.
Choose carefully though. A couple of them are taken.
This option not recommended for the boys. That's more than frowned upon in Nashville.
- Picket.
The Kings of Leon are also well known for their much-bandied back story - the one where their father is a defrocked travelling preacher. Ten bucks says a hand-painted "The End Is Nigh" sign is gonna get you invited back stage. Hell, they'll probably steal it for their next album title.
